As such, our average twenty-something single Indian man has one primary objective in the context of women — find one to take home to Mommy. Which brings me to my next observation — elsewhere in the world, calling a man “Mama’s boy” would be considered as an insult. Not our young Indian man! Call him a Mama’s boy and his lips will form the biggest smile he can conjure. It’s an honor — Mama’s boy. You will find him pleased beyond words — looking at you through proud, teary eyes. Now, I love my mother as much as anyone loves theirs. But this whole Mother (Maaa) thing is overrated in India. Particularly, Indian men. I think it has something to do with the way in which mainstream cinema glorifies this relationship. Another post.

So, back to our original topic, the average Indian man is on a constant lookout for a woman who he can imagine pleasing Mommy dearest. Of course she should have the goods and know how to carry them. But she should also be able to be please Maa aur Papa by her extraordinary exhibition of virtue and respect. She should also have the ability to double as a maid — do the housework and cook lunch & dinner. It doesn’t matter if she works 9-5 just like her husband.

The “lookout” begins when our dear Indian man X hits 24. By now, he has a steady job and earns enough to think about marriage. All pretty women at work are a potential “match”. Many succumb early to “knee-jerk-love”. “I’m in love with her, yaar!”,  you’ll hear him confide to you at the water cooler. Dumbass! Have you talked to her? Does she know you exist? Do you fucking even know her name??

“No. No and Yes, Rohit from accounting told me her name is Pushpa!”

After a period of this senseless “romance”, somehow X sprouts balls and asks Pushpa out. And all Indian men are in a fucking hurry to profess their undying love. On the first date, X proposes marriage! Yes. On the first fucking date.

“X, you dumb fucktard. You dont know if she is a psycho serial killer. You generally find out on date #2.”

“Why didn’t you tell me before. Arrgh!”

Too late.

And most of these relationships break up shortly afterward, as hastily as they began. When Pushpa realizes that X snores loudly or has high blood pressure or “What the fuck?! You have a  third nipple?!” That’s how most of the romantic endeavors of our average Indian man in early-mid twenties end.

We suck.

Dear Raj — pray, listen — give me a chance to change your mind –

Maharashtra is a great state — and its people; magnificent and kind, upright and honest. In the form of Bombay, Maharashtra has given India, its economic headquarters. Agreed. Remember however, that this prosperity was not born, merely on the basis of the potent Marathi blood. No. When people from the south and the north, and the west and the east — all worked together, in brotherhood and love, the greatness of Maharashtra was enhanced — the glory of our great state, Maharashtra, belongs to not just the good people of the soil, but it is also the property of the rest of India who participated in its growth.

Let us not deny people from outside Maharashtra, their right to a shared prosperity. Remember, always, my brother — that we are a part of a larger entity — India. And the constitution says that every Indian has the right of dwell in any location of his choice and pursue prosperity and happiness. It would be unconstitutional to deny anyone this right. Consider for a moment, the thousands of people of Maharashtrian origin, residing currently in some other state of our vast nation — how do you expect them to be treated? Wouldn’t you feel your blood boil with a strange mix of fury and shame if images of these people being beaten up by the local people of that state started flashing in the news? Expect that feeling to have been evoked in the hearts of the good people of Uttar Pradesh over the senseless violence that has ensued in Dombivali and other regions of the Thane district and parts of Bombay after your speech.

After your speech — must make you really proud — and a little afraid. To wield that kind of power over the collective destinies of millions. Raj, please use this responsibility with great caution. The lives of many thousand men, women and children hang in the balance. It is not very late to make amends. Start fresh  — start with tolerance.

Remember, tolerance was something the great Chattrapati preached — I believe, we have forgotten — its not too late to remember.
 

Jai Maharashtra. Jai Hind.

Amit
A proud Maharashtrian